One of my favourite things about writing (and most creativity in general), is being able to start without any solid idea of a finish, or even where you are going. I do it in these journal entries. I just start writing. It is as much an exploration as it is an explanation. As I am writing this right now, I am listening to one of my recent songs (created on Ableton) playing in the background. It's called Feel The Air.
Earlier this evening I was a bit upset, troubled by something. It took me a few hours - on and off - to work through it. Now I have let it go. Some things are going to get you. Trick is to let them move through you and then out. They need to get processed. There is no formula to this but there is usually a building up of tension and then a kind of slow release. I find it helpful to identify what stage of the process I am in and keep and view from the outside. One way to do this is to ask - is it life threatening? - is it something that is really going to matter in a few months time? - what is my best course of action in resolving this (in reality and/or within my own mind) as quickly as possible?
I am no expert, believe me, but I have found that my skills have improved over time. Getting plenty of practice - well, that is easy! Man, sometimes I think: does it really have to be this hard? Continuously? There's always something, right?!
It's almost as though the entire paradigm needs shifting. As though something is well out of whack on a cosmic level. The state of the planet at the moment is undeniably precarious. It feels weird just to wait around and see what happens. But that is where we are at, as a race. So much is beyond our control.
In order to counter this helpless, struggling feeling - for me, at least, creativity is one of the ultimate tonics. I get lost in 2, 3, 4 hours of creating a new song. I start to write something and just keep going. I grab some colourful fabrics and start cutting them out and pasting them on an old shirt from Vinnies. A drawing, some lyrics, a walk along the beach. These are a few of my Sound of Music song things. I feel lucky I can do them. It helps. Being creative is a salve.
This is where my Creative Lewie journey begins. I've been thinking over the last year or so about putting together a TED style talk to do with creativity. About the life of an artist (in this case; me) from the early days and on... and on... and on...
You cannot anticipate what is going to happen along the way, where the twist and turns will appear but as an artist, as an expressive being, you always have your work to pull you through. It reflects where you are at, it relieves the demands and pressures of common and daily things, it allows for an escape, it challenges.
After a time, maybe a few years, maybe ten, maybe double that - you realise that, it's for real. It's what you do. It's what you were made to do. At a certain point you stop trying to impress or sway - you just ... I guess the word is 'release'.
You realise that there is no point in trying to be anything other than who you are. You find your style (through trial and error, experimentation, practice (and more practice). Things fall into place. It becomes not about the destination. You grow to love the journey. You earn your place.
Part of you is worn down. Part of you is disappointed. Part of you; disillusioned. But you have come to far to go back. You're no good for anything else. And, it's at this fucking point that you may just make something worthwhile.